And then the sun came up

It has only been about 12 hours since the results of the election came in and I have been on a whirlwind of a roller coaster. I had hope all day that the election would come out in Mitt Romney’s favor. This election was critical. I finished my election novena, I fasted all morning, I voted, and I went to adoration for an hour. I stayed in prayer all day, and then the results kept coming in. With each blue state, I became more and more anxious. I felt this deep fear in my body. All I could think of were all the murdered children and all the Catholic and Christian institutions whose futures were on the line. And then came Ohio. The state declared blue and my heart and throat sank to the bottom of my stomach. I stared in disbelief as the race was declared over. President Obama had been re-elected for another four years. I thought I could hold myself together. I was angry. I was sad. I felt a numbing but burning pain deep within me. I went upstairs in the dark by myself. I fell to the floor at the top of the stairs and lost it. I cried my eyes out, purging all my pain. For a moment, I felt like I was carrying the unbearable weight of the pain and sin from the millions of abortions that happened in Obama's first four years. I felt the plunge of the sword from our country that has become increasingly secular. I felt the pain of the ever-falling moral standards of our country. I felt the pain and struggle of Catholic and Christian institutions that saw their hopes of religious liberty dashed. I felt the evil joy of Satan's victory dance. I let out this forceful but silent scream that I can only describe as a purging of raw pain and emotion. I immediately thought of Jesus Christ and His Agony in the Garden of Gethsemane. I went right into a quick meditation, understanding that what I felt, physically, mentally, and spiritually, was only a fraction of what Jesus felt. His Agony was a purging of all the sins of the world—past, present, and future—and for the deep fear He felt of the future He had before him. Here I was, thinking I was going to pass out with agony. It is no wonder that blood came out as sweat upon His sweet Face.

After that brief meditation, I got myself up, but I was still just as pained on the inside. Tears just sat in my red eyes while I got ready for bed. I prayed a decade of the Rosary with my husband, pondering the irony of the meditations of the Sorrowful Mysteries on Tuesdays, and then quickly fell asleep. I tossed and turned all night, dreaming of the elections, dreaming that by some miracle, California would turn red, or that the counts for the other states were wrong. But all night, I kept waking up in my own nightmare. In the morning I had to face it, waking up in my dark nightmare again. Obama was president. I asked my husband if it was real. It felt like such a bad dream and all I had to do was wake up and my pain would cease. But it wasn’t a dream. This is real.

I got myself ready with the darkness outside. It felt dark inside, too. I wasn’t hungry, but I forced myself to have breakfast. I wanted to curl up in a ball in the dark bedroom, but I had to get ready for work. I didn’t realize it when it happened, but on my way to work, I heard something on the radio that changed my day. Someone else had to tell me what I already knew was true. God works wonders through His children to reach us when we ignore His voice in our hearts.

As I was getting ready this morning, the sun came up, just as it did the day before, the day before that, and every day of my life. God willing, it will rise again tomorrow, and the next day.

The sun came up.

One new thing I adopted in embracing my Catholic faith again was the online blogging community--from the laity to Cardinals, and everyone in between. I didn’t realize it until today, but I sort of consider these people to be my spiritual directors. I knew they would have positive things to say, to remind me that everything would be okay, because God said so. I ran to these blogs and those on Facebook. Here are some of the beautiful reminders I received this morning:

(From J.R.R. Tolkien and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy)

Frodo: "I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened."
Gandalf: "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us"

“Look on the bright side, in order for Jesus to establish His Kingdom, He must dismantle ours.”

“He causes the changes of the times and seasons, establishes kings and deposes them. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who understand.” Daniel 2:21

“Therefore, brothers, stand firm and hold fast to the traditions that you were taught, either by an oral statement or by a letter of ours.” 2 Thessalonians 2:15

“The truth is not always the same as the majority decision.” –Blessed John Paul II

“Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song.” –Blessed John Paul II

And what really spoke to me today, a beautiful God-incidence, which I hope most Catholics read or heard this morning, is the first reading and the responsorial Psalm from today’s Mass:

Philipians 2:12-18

So, my dear friends, you have always been obedient; your obedience must not be limited to times when I am present. Now that I am absent it must be more in evidence, so work out your salvation in fear and trembling. It is God who, for his own generous purpose, gives you the intention and the powers to act. Let your behavior be free of murmuring and complaining so that you remain faultless and pure, unspoilt children of God surrounded by a deceitful and underhand brood, shining out among them like bright stars in the world, proffering to it the Word of life. Then I shall have reason to be proud on the Day of Christ, for it will not be for nothing that I have run the race and toiled so hard. Indeed, even if my blood has to be poured as a libation over your sacrifice and the offering of your faith, then I shall be glad and join in your rejoicing—and in the same way, you must be glad and join in my rejoicing.

Responsorial Psalm, Psalms 27:1, 4, 13-14

[Of David] the Lord is my light and my salvation, whom should I fear? The Lord is the fortress of my life, whom should I dread? One thing I ask of the Lord, one thing I seek: to dwell in the Lord's house all the days of my life, to enjoy the sweetness of the Lord, to seek out his temple. This I believe: I shall see the goodness of the Lord, in the land of the living. Put your hope in the Lord, be strong, let your heart be bold, put your hope in the Lord.

How loud the Scripture speaks to us, some days more than others. I have nothing to fear, because God is in control. Who am I to question His motives and Divine Plan? Why would I think that my plan is any better than His? If we can compare His Divine Plan to a large painting, and each of us and each moment in history is but a swipe of the brush, how can we say, "That swipe doesn’t belong there," when we cannot see the big picture? We can’t. God is painting something beautiful. God is in control.

The Last Supper by Leonardo da Vinci

It is easy to lament in these times. Abortions hare happening at an alarming rate, at any time (even to the moment of birth) and for any reason (sex selection, for example), and becoming commonplace in society; contraceptives are so accepted that no one can even make the connection between the pill and the collapse of our moral standards in society; the culture of death is growing; and our religious freedoms are being trampled. As my dad would say, it is easier to pull people down than to pull them back up. Well, a lot of people have been pulled down. These seem like dark times. It seems hopeless that we can fix things without an even larger crash that would disrupt all of our lives. But it will be okay. We can either believe that things will never get better and just ride out the storm, silently, to the end. Or we can “use our powers to act” (see the reading from Philipians above) and fight for the Kingdom and all these lost souls. These days can either make us cower or make us stronger. I’m choosing to be stronger. Jesus is my King, not the government. Because it is harder, I have to fight harder now to bring about the Truth to our world, even if it means leaping out of my comfort zone. I have to fight harder to be a voice for the unborn. God willing, maybe I can even change a heart or two someday. I have to fight harder to let people know the difference between freedom OF religion and freedom FROM religion. (The government cannot establish a nation-wide religion (OF), but it cannot force the religious to limit their religious beliefs and practices to remain within the walls of their churches on Sundays, and completely free from influence of the lives of everyone else in society (FROM)).

Finally, one thing I found on Facebook put everything into complete perspective and it was so simple:

“Why is there so much hate? Is it worth it? We already know what happens in the end…”

Good triumphs over evil. God wins, Satan loses.

Revelation 20:1-10,21:1-5

Then I saw an angel come down from heaven with the key of the Abyss in his hand and an enormous chain. He overpowered the dragon, that primeval serpent which is the devil and Satan, and chained him up for a thousand years. He hurled him into the Abyss and shut the entrance and sealed it over him, to make sure he would not lead the nations astray again until the thousand years had passed. At the end of that time he must be released, but only for a short while. Then I saw thrones, where they took their seats, and on them was conferred the power to give judgment. I saw the souls of all who had been beheaded for having witnessed for Jesus and for having preached God's word, and those who refused to worship the beast or his statue and would not accept the brandmark on their foreheads or hands; they came to life, and reigned with Christ for a thousand years. The rest of the dead did not come to life until the thousand years were over; this is the first resurrection. Blessed and holy are those who share in the first resurrection; the second death has no power over them but they will be priests of God and of Christ and reign with him for a thousand years. When the thousand years are over, Satan will be released from his prison and will come out to lead astray all the nations in the four quarters of the earth, Gog and Magog, and mobilise them for war, his armies being as many as the sands of the sea. They came swarming over the entire country and besieged the camp of the saints, which is the beloved City. But fire rained down on them from heaven and consumed them. Then the devil, who led them astray, was hurled into the lake of fire and sulphur, where the beast and the false prophet are, and their torture will not come to an end, day or night, for ever and ever…Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; the first heaven and the first earth had disappeared now, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride dressed for her husband. Then I heard a loud voice call from the throne, 'Look, here God lives among human beings. He will make his home among them; they will be his people, and he will be their God, God-with-them. He will wipe away all tears from their eyes; there will be no more death, and no more mourning or sadness or pain. The world of the past has gone.' Then the One sitting on the throne spoke. 'Look, I am making the whole of creation new. Write this, "What I am saying is trustworthy and will come true."

God love you.