That's what I want

I want Truth...

I want a church that does not bend truth to be morally relative. There can be only one Truth—not many different versions of “truth” that contradict each other.
 
I want a church that tells me I’m wrong when I think I’m right.
 
I want a church that does not change its teachings to fit the times or whims of some. (Romans 12:2)
 
I want a church that does not tell me my sins are okay just because “everyone else is doing it” or humans have “evolved” and “progressed” in their thinking. Just because the world says it is right, doesn’t make it right, and we can’t live a life of faith in that way. (James 4:4)
 
I want a church that will call me out on my sins, and not turn a blind eye.
 
I want a church that challenges me to lift myself to higher standards, not a church that lowers its standards to meet my selfishness.
 
I want a church that demands my time and effort, and challenges my will power and openness to grace.
 
I want a church that doesn’t let me off scott-free in my laziness and selfishness.
 
I want a church that will tell me it is gravely sinful and offensive to God to use contraception.
…to have pre-marital sex.
…to live with someone before you’re married to them.
…to get divorced.
…to have an abortion.
…to live for money and careers.
…to skip Mass on Sunday.
…to disobey your parents, laws, or anyone in authority.
…to lie.
…to covet or be jealous of the blessings of others while overlooking my own blessings.

I want One church...

I want a church that teaches one Truth and professes one faith, and admits that it will never have the authority to change them because the Truth came from Jesus Himself and not from any man.
 
I want a church that is fully united (Philippians 1:27), with a visible head and other church authorities, just like Jesus established.
 
I want a church that is visibly run by sinners, one that has a very imperfect past, and is not afraid to admit it. Wars, scandals, prying on the innocent—these are not events to shake my faith in a church, but rather strengthen my faith in it. What other institution in history could basically decimate itself from within and yet reign strong? And better yet, while fully holding on to the Truth? Not changing Truth to excuse even the sins of those who are in positions of authority? Not even the darkest of times could change the truth because the Truth is always True, even if people deny it. A broken church full of sinners that is able to remain unchanged in doctrine, Truth, and practice is truly a church ever graced by God, and surely the “gates of Hell will not prevail against it.” (Matthew 16:18)

I want a church that is a family. My brother is Christ and my father is God the Almighty Father. The family doesn’t end there—but I want a church that gives thanks and honors the fact that our Brother gave us His Mother. Yes, I want a church that gives me a Mother to point me in the right direction, to comfort me, to guide me. And yes, I want a church that is both a family here on earth of brothers and sisters in the Lord, and a family in Heaven, all fully alive, praying for us and all connected in the Spirit.
 
I want a church that is truly a family. Where the head of this church can be called Papa. Of my place of worship, I want the one who teaches the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, passed onto him, to be “Father.” I want Brothers (monks/friars) and Sisters (nuns). My church should be one big family.
 
I want a church that doesn’t make me the center of my faith—I’m not the rock that my faith is built on, I’m not my own authority. It’s not just “me and Jesus” but the whole Body of Christ, and my concern is not just with myself and my own salvation, but for other sinners and their salvation (Galatians 6:2).
 
I want a church that I can be confident has supplied me and all of its followers with the necessary inspired Word of God: the full Bible. I want to know that what I consider to be Sacred Scripture includes every book necessary and is not missing anything.
 

I want a Holy church...

I want a church that teaches me how to truly worship, and not just “hang out” and “relax” on Sundays. Where Sundays are truly the Lord’s days and not my own. Where I fully humble myself, showing my humility and unworthiness with my body language and actions.
 
I want a church where almost everything we say and do at Mass is purely from Scripture and not made up based on what is current or fun. 
 

Church in Austria

I want a church that does not throw out ancient traditions because they are no longer “cool” or “what the people want.”
 
I want a church that tells me I need to pray, and often, even (especially) when I’m busy.
 
I want a church that teaches me to fast and sacrifice—to deny myself of bodily and earthly comforts on purpose for the sake of exercising my own spiritual muscles and for the sake of sinners.
 
I want a church that instills a true fear of God in me, and not one where Jesus is just my “homeboy” and “best friend.” He is also my Judge, Who counts my sins and Who will determine my salvation.
 

Cathedral in Moscow, Russia

I want a church that produces saints. Ordinary saints and proper Saints that lived radically in love with Christ and neighbor. Ones that I can imitate to grow closer to God. (1 Corinthians 11:1)

I want a church that understands that I am human. I see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. I can better understand the glory of God through all of my senses, not just with my mind. (Romans 1:20)
 
I want a church that plays on my sight. One that adorns everything in beauty, creativity, and majesty, which all evoke my sense of something special, something holy, something greater than myself. One that is filled with pictures and statues to help me to understand and remember.
 
I want a church that plays on my hearing. Speak to me the written and spoken Word of God. Assemble choirs in such perfect harmony that I believe in angels. Play music that is so beautiful and reverent that it brings tears to my eyes. Let me hear, “I absolve you from your sins and you are forgiven,” so I may know with confidence that Jesus gave this power and it is through Jesus that I can be forgiven each time. (John 20:21-23)
 
I want a church that plays on my sense of smell. Bring out incense to let me know that I am in a holy place and that I am in the presence of Something Divine. (Revelation 8:3-4)
 
I want a church that plays on my sense of taste. We have been commanded to “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Psalm 34:9). We have been commanded to eat the bread from Heaven, which Jesus said is His own flesh and blood (John 6). We have been commanded to eat this bread-flesh and drink wine-blood this in remembrance of Him (Luke 22:14-20). So, feed me (John 21:15,17).
 
I want a church that plays on my sense of touch. Christ became flesh and dwelt among us (John 1:14). He made Himself touchable and tangible, so too should His church be. Give me things to hold. Give me things to help me pray. Give me things to understand.
 



I want a Universal church...

Mass in Africa

I want a church where the teachings,
prayers, and worship are the same all
around the world, because we are all part of
the Body of Christ. (1 Corinthians 12:27)

I want a church that I can visit anywhere in
North America, Europe, South America, Asia,
Africa, or Australia, and the only difference will
be the language. Everything else will be familiar
to me, from the gestures to the structure of the 

Palm Sunday in India

Mass, to the symbols and prayers, and
everything in-between. Even in an exotic
culture, I want to feel completely at home
surrounded by family.
 
I want a church that levels the entire world
with the same church calendar, Holy Days,
beliefs, and practices, no matter the language
or cultural differences.

I want a church that will teach me how to

Women praying the Rosary in China

interpret Scripture the right way—with the
full inspiration of the Holy Spirit, combined with
unwritten traditions of the Apostles and earliest
Church fathers, and thousands of years of
learning and upholding the right interpretation.

I want a church that doesn’t leave Biblical
interpretation up to me (really, what do I
know? Even if I live to be 100, I can’t learn more than
Christ’s church), but to those in proper authority, to teach everyone the one and true meaning of each book, chapter, and verse.
 

I want an Apostolic church...

Priest Ordination

I want a church that has a fully unbroken line of apostolic succession. One where Jesus Himself breathed the power of the Holy Spirit onto the Apostles (John 21:22), our Church fathers, who through a continuous laying of hands, conferred this Holy Spirit to all Church leaders throughout history to the present day, to give them ecclesial authority. (2 Timothy 1:6; 1 Timothy 5:22; Hebrews 6:1-2)
 
I want a church that was founded by Jesus Christ and built upon the rock that He established as the cornerstone. (Matthew 16:18)
 
I want a church that was not founded within the last 500 years by any regular Joe with his own personal interpretation of the Bible and his own set of rules and truths.
 

College of Cardinals

I want a church that is not a democracy, where leaders are not chosen by individuals to fit their whims and twisted understanding of Truth, but by qualified individuals who have received the Holy Spirit.
 
I want a church that doesn’t mirror part of its Sacred Scripture off of another religion that denies that Jesus is the Christ—I want the whole Old Testament. The one used by the Apostles and earliest Christians.
 
I want a church that I can be confident is teaching me the Truth, because that Truth remains unchanged from the very foundation.

 

The Nicene Creed, written in the 4th century, still recited at every Mass:

 

I believe in one God, the Father almighty, 

maker of heaven and earth,
 of all things visible and invisible.
I believe in one Lord Jesus Christ,
the Only Begotten Son of God, 

born of the Father before all ages. 

God from God, Light from Light, 

true God from true God, 

begotten, not made, consubstantial 

with the Father; 

Through him all things were made. 

For us men and for our salvation 

he came down from heaven, 

and by the Holy Spirit was incarnate 

of the Virgin Mary, 

and became man.

For our sake he was crucified 

under Pontius Pilate,
he suffered death and was buried, 

and rose again on the third day 

in accordance with the Scriptures. 

He ascended into heaven 

and is seated at the right hand of the Father. 

He will come again in glory 

to judge the living and the dead 

and his kingdom will have no end.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, 

the Lord, the giver of life, 

who proceeds from the Father and the Son, 

who with the Father and the Son 

is adored and glorified, 

who has spoken through the prophets.
I believe in one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church. 

I confess one baptism for the forgiveness of sins 

and I look forward to the resurrection 

of the dead and the life of the world to come.
Amen.

.

True Presence

One of the most difficult ideas to come to terms with in my renewed embrace of the Catholic faith (besides Confession) was the idea of the Eucharist. Growing up, we always had a rather light-hearted approach to the Eucharist: just the “bread and wine” or “juice and crackers.” I grew up in a church and community where there was no real reverence for the Eucharist. The priest just went through the motions during Mass. Everyone I knew received the Eucharist without Confession (I did not know that was a rule, even bound in Scripture: 1 Corinthians 11:27 Therefore whosoever shall eat this bread, or drink the chalice of the Lord unworthily, shall be guilty of the body and of the blood of the Lord.)—there was never a feeling of “being unworthy” to receive Him; it was just another part of the Mass. God forgive them, but I even saw my junior high/high school classmates take the host and put it in their pocket, or drink the entire chalice of wine.

 

Almost nothing truly instilled in me a sense of awe, wonderment, understanding, or love for the Eucharist, which is truly the holy body and blood of Christ Himself. It is not a mere symbol, but His true flesh and true blood.

 

Why do we believe this to be true? Well, it is clearly written in Scripture. Every Catholic should know where to find this: John 6, the Bread of Life Discourse. John chapter 6. It is a bit lengthy, so you can read the whole thing here. I have just included the key verses below:

Our ancestors ate manna in the desert, as it is written: ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’” So Jesus said to them, “Amen, amen, I say to you, it was not Moses who gave the bread from heaven; my Father gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is that which comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” (31-33)
 

Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me will never hunger, and whoever believes in me will never thirst. (35)
 

Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever believes has eternal life. I am the bread of life. Your ancestors ate the manna in the desert, but they died; this is the bread that comes down from heaven so that one may eat it and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world.” (47-51)
 

The Jews quarreled among themselves, saying, “How can this man give us [his] flesh to eat?” Jesus said to them, “Amen, amen, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you do not have life within you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him. Just as the living Father sent me and I have life because of the Father, so also the one who feeds on me will have life because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Unlike your ancestors who ate and still died, whoever eats this bread will live forever.” (52-58)
 

Then many of his disciples who were listening said, “This saying is hard; who can accept it?” Since Jesus knew that his disciples were murmuring about this, he said to them, “Does this shock you?  (60-61)
 

As a result of this, many [of] his disciples returned to their former way of life and no longer accompanied him. (66)

 

Jesus said it Himself, and we certainly do not take Jesus to be a liar. Probably one of the most important things to know here is something that we do not see in English. The original word used for “eat” which I have underlined above, is the Greek word τρώγων (trogon) which literally means to “gnaw” or to “chew.” There’s really no mistaking “gnawing” or “chewing” for something symbolic. Whereas in English we could say something like “I ate up his words” meaning “I listened,” but we don’t say, “I gnawed up his words.” That just doesn’t make sense because gnawing implies something physical.

 

We can further prove from the passage that Jesus used strong and literal words for “eat” and “drink” referring to His own flesh and blood because the Jews that He was speaking to were offended and said, “This saying is hard; who can accept it?” By Jewish Law, this would be something very “unclean” to do, so it’s no wonder that they didn’t want to hear it. But instead of Jesus saying, “Wait, come back! You misunderstood me. I didn’t mean literally eat my flesh and drink my blood! I meant it symbolically, so that you can just ‘have’ Me, My words, My Spirit, in you, without any eating (gnawing).” Jesus didn’t say that and He did not retract His statement. He just knew that people would find it difficult, and “as a result of this, many [of] His disciples returned to their former way of life and no longer accompanied Him.”

 

So are we the disciples who think this is too hard and walk away from it? Or do we believe Jesus and follow the tradition of His Apostles? (If the Apostles and first Christians did not believe this saying to literally mean eating/gnawing/chewing His flesh and blood that give eternal life, they would not have even written it that way.) If you believe Jesus’ words, there is no need to do any “mental gymnastics” to try and justify His words in other, more complicated ways. As St. Augustine said, “If you believe what you like in the Gospels, and reject what you don’t like, it is not the Gospel you believe, but yourself.”

 

I’m being a little harsh, but I will be the first to attest that coming to believe this through my complicated, overly-rational, educated mind was not easy. It is very tempting to be like the unbelieving disciples and walk away, discounting Jesus’ words. But this is because we have made ourselves too complicated. We are indeed overly rational. We are not what we are commanded by Jesus to be: like a child. Jesus told us that we have to have childlike faith. If you tell a child something, he or she does not try to complicate it. They just accept that what you say is true. So, too, should we accept Jesus' words for what He says, because of all the people to ever walk this earth, Jesus is the one person that we should never question.

For me at least, it still took time to try and "unlearn" my mind to become more childlike. I work on it every day in every aspect of my faith, but I could not do it without the help of the Holy Spirit, Who is the only means that we can come to know Jesus. (1 Corinthians 12:3 And no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit). It is that same Spirit that is called upon by the priest to turn the simple bread and wine into the body and blood of our Lord: "Make holy, therefore, these gifts, we pray, by sending down your Spirit upon them like the dewfall, so that they may become for us the body and blood of our Lord, Jesus Christ."

A woman in the Bible was healed by simply touching the hem of His garment because of her faith. Imagine what kind of effects His body and blood can have on us if we believe with that kind of faith! Holy Communion is a Sacrament, so it is a visible sign of an invisible grace. We might just be able to move mountains with a deep yet simple understanding that what we receive is His flesh and blood, His Spirit, and to be open to His special graces. Don't walk away from Him because it is too hard to accept, but rather pray to understand better, accept it, love it, and be thankful for it!

 

I Really Didn't Like Going to Church...

I think one big thing that many people struggle with is the Mass. There are a whole range of issues that people have with church. And growing up, I had probably every one of those issues with going to church.

I have missed a lot of Sundays and Holy Days in my 20-something years of life. I am certainly not proud of it, but I have received forgiveness through the Sacrament of Confession, thanks be to God. I used to hate going to church. I thought it was boring. I was thinking about all the other things I could have been doing, including sleeping in. My mind certainly was never on the Mass.. not taking in any of the readings, the prayers, or the homily. I didn't like saying the prayers aloud, or singing aloud; I would mouth everything without a sound coming out. My eyes were always on the other people around me.. what they were wearing, who they were, how they were acting. Getting up to receive Communion was more about seeing the other church members and making sure that I wasn't going to trip or step on the heels in front of me, instead of approaching and receiving my Lord Jesus in His Flesh and Blood. At the end of Mass, when the priest says, "The Mass has ended. Let us go in peace to love and to serve the Lord," and we respond, "Thanks be to God," this phrase I did say aloud, excitedly, as if to say, "Thank God the Mass is over and I can go home!!!"

It hurts to admit all these things, but this is who I was. Not all the time, of course. There were times in my life when I was going through tough times or times that I felt close to God, and church meant a little more; but on the whole, my attitude towards church was one of indifference.

When laying out all these confessions, I realize how selfish I was. I wanted the Mass to be about me. I wanted it to entertain me. I wanted the Mass to be at a time that was convenient for me. I didn't want to sing the boring, drawn-out music. I didn't want to sit and listen for an hour. Actually, I would rather have sat the whole time than stand and kneel.

Why did I ever think that church was about me?

Church is not for me. It is not for you. It is not for us. Church is for God. Keep holy the Sabbath Day. Holy. Dragging myself out of bed in my sweat pants and daydreaming for an hour--if I made it to church at all--is not holy. It is not reverent. It is a blatant disregard for the third Commandment. My attitude and actions spoke loudly, and they said, "God, I'm only really supposed to give You one hour a week, to praise, worship, and thank You, as my God, my Creator, my Judge, and the One Who will decide my salvation, but I can't even do that. I want to thank and worship You on my terms, in my time, and how I see fit. Thanks for understanding." I would think about how I would want church... with more fun music, more dialog/interaction within the congregation, maybe even have treats to fill our bellies... but that would have been a way for me to just fit my "worship" in ways that fit and please me based on what I like and what is "cool" at the time.

There were two things that I learned that started my transformation, from dreading Sunday mornings, to now loving Sundays which is now my favorite day of the week:

1. The Mass was not about me. It was not for me, it was for God.
2. I was only going to get out of it what I put into it.

If I was there, wishing that I was somewhere else, not listening to the readings or the homily, and not feeling the presence of God, then I was not going to get anything out of it. So yes, then I would wish I was somewhere else because it seemed like a wasted hour.

Realizing that the Mass was not for me, but for God, transformed my mind into a complete state of awe and reverence. Church used to feel rather informal to me, because I just thought Jesus was my buddy and that I could sort of "hang out" with Him like I would my friends. But this mindset made the Mass about me. I think of Sundays and Holy Days as if they were similar to Mother's Day and Father's Day. On these days, the children are expected to give their complete attention, praise, thanks, and love to their parent. Their gifts are from the heart and for the parent, and without any double motive, like giving Mom your favorite chocolate so that you can have some later, or to give Dad your favorite movie so that you, too, can watch it. But it is about the parents, not the child. The child also doesn't bring their parent to their favorite park or arcade so that the child can have fun. The child usually opts for activities that the parent likes, whether or not the child enjoys it. So, too, is the Mass. Sunday is the Lord's Day, so to tailor the Mass to our liking strips it of its selfless sacrifice and reverence.

I think that whoever can accept the two ideas above can transform their ideas about Mass. Those issues that I had completely fell away, and now I love everything about church. May I just name a few things that I love most?

• I love that the crucifix is front and center in the Catholic churches. As I walk in, it is that first reminder that I am somewhere holy, that I have sinned and caused that crucifiction, and that God is All-Powerful and yet All-Loving.
• I love all of the ritualistic gestures made throughout the Mass. I put my heart into each genuflection before I enter and when I leave the pew; I acknowledge that I am truly in the presence of God, both in His house and facing the ever-present Flesh and Blood in the Tabernacle. I love bowing my head when I say or hear the Holy name of Jesus Christ. He is more than my "home boy;" He is my God, and His name is sacred. I love bowing my head during the Nicene Creed (...And by the Holy Spirit, was incarnate of the Virgin Mary, and became man...). We bow in order to honor one of the most important events in history: when God became man. I love making small crosses with my thumb on my forehead, lips, and heart, before hearing the Gospel. This symbolizes that the word of the Lord be in our minds, on our lips, and in our hearts. I love the change in the wording to the Confiteor, to better reflect the Latin translation, and beating my chest three times (Through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault...). My sins are real, and I fully acknowledge them, and the schism they can cause between me and God, and how they block His grace.
• I love to kneel during Mass, to show with my body language humility before God, and to show deep awe, reverence, and respect.
• I love to sing the hymns and responsorial Psalm, because I want God to hear my praise.
• I love to dress up for church, because it puts me in the right frame of mind. I know that I am in a holy and special place (God's house), and I want to show as much respect for Him and His Day as I can.
• I love keeping quiet during Mass (and I love it with people around me are quiet too). It is hard to get your mind right, to fall into deep prayer and meditation, and to drown yourself in God if you are talking to someone or if people are talking around you. It goes back to the Mass being about God and not me. I am not there to socialize, but to worship God, and to come into close union with Him, without worldly distractions.
• Of course, I love the true presence of Jesus Christ in the Eucharist. I love the tedious care that the priests take in handling the bread and wine turned Body and Blood. I love the deep feeling of unworthiness that I feel, not only to be in His presence, but to receive Him. Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.

Those are just a few things, and I discover new things all the time.

One of my high school Theology teachers used to say something that still sticks with me to this day... he said that you should run to church, with a smile on your face, and look forward to it like it's a holiday or birthday. I loved that idea, even if I couldn't live it for most of my life. But now I can say that I look forward to church. All the problems I had with the Mass were my own problems. Now, I love that time I get to spend with God, both on a personal level because I try to block out all distractions and set my heart on Him, and on a communal level because I am with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I'm thankful that I have received this grace. As Venerable Fulton Sheen said, "After your car is filled with gasoline, it will not drive itself. Grace will move you only when you want it to move you, and only when you let it move you."


God love you!