Amazing what?

Grace.

I'll be honest. For most of my life, I had no idea what grace was. I don't even really remember talking about it growing up. Maybe I remember a little from high school. But I definitely couldn't have told you what it was. I know that this sounds all-too-familiar for cradle Catholics who grew up not really knowing or authentically practicing their faith. It's no wonder why I thought I didn't need to confess my sins, or pray, or feel the need for the Sacraments, especially the Eucharist. "For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, inhuman, implacable, slanderers, profligates, fierce, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding the form of religion but denying the power of it." (2 Timothy 3:2-5)

That segment of the verse describes my upbringing! Yep, I went to Mass sometimes, made the Sign of the Cross, did the sit/stand/kneel and went through the motions, had a cross in my bedroom, prayed when things got tough, but in almost everything I did, I just held onto the form of Catholicism, but denied the power of it. That power, being grace. 

Sometimes the grace got through all the walls I built up. I can only imagine how many times in my life I said something like, "I have no idea how I made it through that," or "I didn't think I could do it." I'm not talking about rather superficial things like finishing an exam or fixing something, but times of suffering and enduring. Times where I was so sad I thought I could drown in my sorrows; grace got me through. The times where it seemed like every door was closing on me and my life was crumbling in; grace got me through. The times I was frozen in fear; grace got me through. No matter how many times I tried to shut God out of my life, He still loves me more than I can fathom and as a loving Father, He still reaches out to me in any ways that He can.

But for much of my life, I lived without sanctifying or saving grace offered by Christ through His Bride, the Church. Thanks be to God, He gave me more time in my life to turn things around and return to a state of grace. I did, though, cut myself off of this saving grace through my sins. My own choices. I refused the graces, or help, that God was offering me to overcome my temptations, and I fell. Have you ever known someone with bad habits or lifestyles and you wished they would change? Have you ever pleaded with someone to not light that cigarette, or not have another drink? How upset and disappointed were you when they smoked again or drank again? The wounds that we inflict upon His Sacred Heart by our sins are nothing compared to the disappointment we feel in our loved ones.This is like God's offer of sanctifying grace to us, followed by our rejection of it, on a small scale.  Because He has the greatest capacity to love, He also has the greatest capacity to be hurt when we reject His saving help.

Once I began to have a knowledge and awareness of grace, the more I saw it in my life. It's literally everywhere. Constant. Like the air around me... all I have to do is breathe. But I need extra help to heed Jesus' call to "be perfect, just as your Heavenly Father is perfect" (Matt 5:48). My heart swells with gratitude for the Church and her Sacraments, which are visible signs of invisible graces. The most important and life-altering thing I did in my "re-version" was to go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. By confessing my sins in the confessional, I acknowledged all the times that I sinned, refused God's grace, and damaged my relationship with Him and His Body, the Church. I confessed bad habits and unholy tendencies I had, and through the Sacrament, received the graces to overcome most of them--to this I can attest! The confessional was like a gate to the greatest source of graces: the Eucharist. The Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of our Lord, Himself! Being in a state of grace, I could receive the Eucharist worthily. Remember what St. Paul says:

For I received from the Lord what I also handed on to you, that the Lord Jesus, on the night he was handed over, took bread, and, after he had given thanks, broke it and said, “This is my body that is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way also the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the death of the Lord until he comes.

Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer for the body and blood of the Lord. A person should examine himself, and so eat the bread and drink the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body, eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many among you are ill and infirm, and a considerable number are dying. (1 Corinthians 11:23-30)

The graces from the Eucharist are transforming my life all the time because I try hard to be open to them. Jesus told St. Faustina, "When I come to a human heart in Holy Communion, My hands are full of all kinds of graces which I want to give to the soul. But souls do not even pay attention to Me; they leave Me to Myself and busy themselves with other things. ... They treat Me as a dead object" (Diary of St. Faustina, 1385).

Reading that passage during my "re-version" process really made me stop and think, "What is grace?" and, "Is the Eucharist even important in my life?" My journey really took off from those questions, and now He is changing my life from the answers I sought. I pray for other cradle Catholics with similar experiences as mine, who can say, "I don't know what grace is," or, "I don't make it to Mass every week," which means, "I don't know what the Eucharist is." The Church offers every bit of help that we could possibly need to know, love, and serve Him and become the perfected lovers that we are called to be! Turn to her! I will be praying for you. Please pray for me too.

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Missed opportunities

You’ve heard the saying that “if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.” Well, for a long time, I was part of the problem. And in my weak human nature, at times, I am still part of the problem, although I work harder to be part of the solution these days.

 

The solution: to bring people closer to God, to show His love and mercy, to show people true faith and how a life can be happily transformed by this faith, and to help people to get to Heaven.

The problem: either purposefully or by omission, doing the opposite. Pulling people away from God, showing people that He can’t really be trusted with my life so I must keep Him at a distance, and overall, not helping anyone get to Heaven (which means I’m doing the opposite.. giving them the easy paths to Hell.)

 

I think of all the times that I was part of the problem on purpose. The times I told friends that contraception was totally okay and even aided one in obtaining it. The times I told people that pre-marital sex is okay “as long as you’re going to marry that person eventually.” The times I told people it was okay not to go to Confession because God will just forgive me with a simple, “I’m sorry,” in my mind. The times that I said or suggested that living with a boyfriend or girlfriend was okay. The times that I said that the Church was wrong on some of her teachings—on contraception, gay “marriage,” purgatory, or the necessity of Confession. The times I said that I don't need to go to Mass every Sunday to be a good Catholic or a good person. The times I gossiped. The times I said, “I’m Catholic, but…” The times I harbored anger for others and refused to forgive them. I could go on and on…

 

I think of all the times that I was part of the problem just by omission! The times that I didn’t speak up for the Truth. The times I didn’t speak up for true, authentic Church teaching. The times that I neglected to help someone in need. By my lukewarm, “cafeteria Catholic,” God-is-awesome-but-I’ll-keep-doing-what-I-want lifestyle that showed people a horrible example that surely led them away from God and straight towards the gates of Hell.

 

My passion and zeal come from the fact that I came to know God’s will and I changed my life because of it. Perhaps most importantly for the average person, my changed life did not get worse—it got so much better than I thought possible. My life is full of love and peace and faith that I thought was reserved for little old nuns or the pope.

 

But I have a long way to go. I have many wrongs to right as I make a daily vow never to commit those same mistakes again. I will continue to fight against the evils of contraception, which is so obviously tied to pre-marital sex, couples living together before they’re married or even engaged, abortion, infidelity, risky sexual behavior, divorce, and the fact that Americans no longer know what true marriage is. I will continue to show my love for Christ’s Bride, His Catholic Church. The one true Church and the fullness of the Christian faith. I will continue to spread the truth about Divine Mercy.

 

If my voice or my life ever become silent again, I will fall back to being part of the problem. I can’t let that happen. I care too much about souls and their salvation to ever lead them away from the straight and narrow path to Heaven. I lament the missed opportunities I had to be part of the solution, but God has graciously given me more time and I will not waste those opportunities anymore.

Is being a cradle Catholic a bad thing?

Lately I've been hearing that being a "cradle Catholic" is bad. That it is somehow a derogatory phrase, or something to be ashamed of, or even that cradle Catholics cannot be saved.

It breaks my heart that this idea is out there because it couldn't be further from the truth. I am proud and blessed to say that I am a cradle Catholic. Yes, I was baptized as an infant--2 months old--and every day I realize more and more how special that is. I'm so thankful that I have been a child of God for all but 2 months of my life.

From our common beginning, our experience as cradle Catholics tends to diverge from there. Some are raised in extremely devout families, some never get to learn about their Catholic faith because their parents fell away, or if you're like me, you're somewhere in-between. By no means was I raised in a very devout house. Sure, I went to Catholic schools, we had Bibles and crucifixes at home, and we went to Mass some Sundays, but it although I learned parts of my faith, I never put those lessons into practice. I rarely prayed. I never went to Confession by my own free will. I never read Scripture on my own.



ShareCatholic

This kind of nominal Catholicism is all too common in America, and it's probably why "cradle Catholic" has become somewhat taboo. But being born and raised Catholic is not in itself harmful. It becomes harmful when you do not foster your faith. When you don't seek to learn and put it into practice. When you become complacent in your faith. When you settle for mediocrity and only live your faith within four special walls for one hour for one day a week, then you do give "cradle Catholic" a bad name. That's what puts our souls in danger. I know because that's how I lived for most of my life! And now I look back at all the opportunities I squandered to share how much I love my faith, how the Catholic Church is the fullness of the Christian faith, and how I have a true relationship with a real person: Jesus Christ.

We are saved by our faith. Our true and genuine faith. When that faith is true, then we produce good works, because "faith without works is dead" (James 2:17). These good works become the litmus test for the love that we have for God and for each other (Matthew 22:36-40) and He will know us by our fruits (Matthew 7:17-20).

The best priests, bishops, popes, and church leaders can't make an ounce of difference if their words fall on deaf ears. We all need to take responsibility for our faith, to learn it, nurture it, grow it. Remove the weeds from our life that prevent it from growing (Matthew 13:1-9), water the seeds that we were given as infants at baptism, and let the Word grow within us! Only then can we change the world: it starts with me.

"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child;

when I became a man, I gave up childish ways."

1 Corinthians 12:20

 

For a long time I settled for the faith I received as a child. It was still so simple and "nice" and rather shallow--it had no real teeth or roots. As adults or when coming into adulthood, why do we settle for the faith we were given as a child? When we get to college, we don't settle for the science lessons we learned in middle school: we seek to know more! When we've learned how to write a full sentence in grade school, we don't stop there. We learn how to write paragraphs and essays and research papers! As we get older, the answers we were given as children about life are no longer enough. We want to know the how's and why's. So why, then, do we settle for the knowledge that we learned as children about our faith? Why is it enough to learn about Jesus and His Church at an elementary level and carry it with us through adulthood? We can't stop learning and growing spiritually. It is a great disservice to ourselves, to our neighbors, and to God.

 

But don't become discouraged. Don't lose faith. Don't be ashamed to be a cradle Catholic--embrace it! Start with prayer. Ask God to soften your heart and change your desires. Ask for eyes to see the weeds that choke your original baptismal grace, and the strength to get rid of those weeds. It will get easy from there. You'll discover a zeal and a hunger to learn. You'll have more room inside yourself for Jesus and you'll truly begin to encounter Him. Only then will your life be transformed and your faith will grow into what you know it should be. Pray, and know that I'm praying for you.

 

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The Hardest Decision but the Best Decision

Do you ever pray, wondering if God is even hearing you because it seems like He's not answering? Have you ever tried to read the Bible but you find it so difficult? Maybe it’s on your bucket list to read the Bible cover-to-cover, but when you started through the Old Testament, you just couldn’t let it sink in and you lost interest. I sure have been there.

 
 

But now in my very recent hindsight, and in St. Paul’s letter, I get it. I understand why I could not understand. Read (slowly) today’s first reading:

 

2 Corinthians 3:15-4:1,3-6

Brothers and sisters:

To this day, whenever Moses is read,

a veil lies over the hearts of the children of Israel,

but whenever a person turns to the Lord the veil is removed.

Now the Lord is the Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is,

there is freedom.

All of us, gazing with unveiled face on the glory of the Lord,

are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory,

as from the Lord who is the Spirit.

 

Therefore, since we have this ministry through the mercy shown us,

we are not discouraged.

And even though our Gospel is veiled,

it is veiled for those who are perishing,

in whose case the god of this age

has blinded the minds of the unbelievers,

so that they may not see the light of the Gospel

of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

For we do not preach ourselves but Jesus Christ as Lord,

and ourselves as your slaves for the sake of Jesus.

For God who said, Let light shine out of darkness,

has shone in our hearts to bring to light

the knowledge of the glory of God

on the face of Jesus Christ.

 

 

I completely agree that my heart was veiled. I tried to read through the Bible (starting with the Old Testament, which I do not recommend—start with the New Testament!) but got perpetually stuck. It took almost 4 years to read through it because it was confusing and boring and I couldn’t understand why this was Sacred Scripture. But St. Paul spells it out perfectly for me, why I could not “see”:

 

1.  I had not turned to the Lord, and

2.  the gods of this age had blinded my mind

 

No, I had not turned to the Lord. Just because I was casually reading the Bible, doesn’t mean I had turned to God. Just because I went to church sometimes, doesn’t mean I turned to God.

 

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name? Did we not drive out demons in your name? Did we not do mighty deeds in your name?’ Then I will declare to them solemnly, ‘I never knew you. Depart from me, you evildoers.” Matthew 7:21-23

I knew some of the Church's teaching, but many of them I just discounted (“Cafeteria Catholic”), and others I did not even deem important enough to know and understand. I was living for myself, doing what I thought was right, and justifying my sins to the point that I didn’t even know if they were sins anymore.

 

In not turning to God I had to turn somewhere else: the “gods” of this age. TV, internet, Facebook, smart phones, food, social events, sleeping, making/saving/spending money, shopping, working, you name it. Look at your days and pick out your most frequent habits. Do you check your Facebook very often? Do you feel mega stressed if you don’t have your phone on you? Do you watch TV or go shopping to fill the boredom and the quiet? Whatever you do habitually and devote your time, thought, and effort to, becomes your god; if it is not God Himself then it is probably something to take you away from Him.

 

These other gods make us selfish. They make us stifle our souls for the sake of the body. They become our veils. They distract us to make us turn away from God. And when these things lead us to sin (which they always do), we separate ourselves even farther from God. It's no wonder my prayer life was dead. How could I have expected to hear back from God when I didn't even know His Word (Jesus, Scripture)?

 

So then how did I fix it? It seemed daunting. It seemed frustrating. It seemed impossible. My “prayer life” was dry. Reading the Bible got me no where. I hardly felt anything “spiritual.” My own soul? grace?--what were they? But I still kept feeling that something was missing. Every few months, I would get that nagging feeling.

 

I had to take a leap of faith.

 

I had to throw myself completely to God. I had to set myself at the mercy of His will.

 

It was the hardest decision, but the best decision I ever made in my life. I gave up many of my old ways and I had to change many of my habits. I needed to recognize the "gods" in my life and slowly get rid of them and replace them with better things. Sloth and pride were my biggest downfalls--I needed to use my time better and to humble myself. But most difficult of all, my husband and I listened to the Church who said that using contraception was a mortal sin and contrary to God's laws and offensive to Him. So we stopped using it--in the middle of our new marriage. Yeah, that was tough. That took a huge leap of faith. But now our marriage is stronger than we ever could have imagined. Our faith life is alive, and it was truly the final veil that needed to be lifted. (I can't speak highly enough of using Natural Family Planning instead of contraception. I've written about it here and here.) Because I gave up my sinful lifestyles, I, for the first time, knew what grace was. I can't believe I lived so long without feeling grace. Without having a relationship with Jesus. Without following His teachings in order to be set free.

 

I am not without sin. I will struggle against it every day. But getting rid of the 'big stuff,' letting go of control and giving it over to God--that is what changed my life and set me on the right path. It's not easy. Sometimes it's not fun. But it is so completely worth it, to jump off the cliff of my own idea of control and fall into the loving arms of God.

 

Jesus then said to those Jews who believed in him, “If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:31-32

Help! My loved one is not Catholic anymore!

Venerable Fulton Sheen (source: CatholicGag)

I came across two great blog posts by a very passionate (and sometimes blunt) priest. I particularly love to hear what he has to say when it comes to lax, lukewarm Catholics or "American Catholicism." He's never afraid to say what needs to be said, even if many people find his words to be a little harsh. Sometimes the truth hurts.

These two blog posts go together: one is called, "Help! My children aren't Catholic anymore!" and the other is "Help! My kids still aren't Catholic!"

His ideas have been on my mind a lot lately. I know many people, some of my own family and close friends included, who still claim to be Catholic, but don't live it. I'm thankful that they remain in the Church, but it still hurts nonetheless to see them as Catholic by name only. On the flip side, I have also seen many people, again friends and family included, who have fallen away from the Church all together. Many of them left the Church and sought some non-denominational, "new-age," trendy, "nice" Christian church. This pains me too because they don't understand what they have left...

If I may, some quotes from the aforementioned blogs (emphasis my own):

What’s the problem? The problem is not now. The problem is back then. The problem is how we have educated a whole generation of young Catholics. We’ve driven them off with being nice. The Catholic Church over the last fifty years in the USA has become just another nice American institution. Nice like McDonald’s. Nice like Disneyland...We’ve made catechesis nice...[T]here is another aspect to the gospel which we’ve quietly forgotten. We’ve forgotten that part about, “If anyone would be my disciple he must take up his cross and follow me.” Or that part which says, “The world will hate you as it has hated me.” or “Broad is the way that leads to destruction, but narrow is the gate and few there be that find it.”...So our children aren’t dumb. They grow up and they figure that if it’s all about being nice that you don’t have to go to church to be nice. You can be nice without church. You don’t have to be Catholic to be nice. You can be a nice Methodist if you want. So if they want to be nice they just go along being nice without church, and they believe that because that’s actually what we taught them even when we didn’t know that is what we were teaching them.

Because we never told them it would be difficult and that it would require discipline and that they should have some backbone and determination if they were going to make it in the spiritual life, they learned that lesson, and therefore when it did turn out to require a little bit of grit and determination and difficult things like confession and self discipline and prayer–they went scooting off because they thought it was all about being nice and praise and worship songs that made you feel good and a warm comfy sermon from Father about loving each other more. 

There is another huge contributing factors to the hemorrhage from the Catholic Church. It is indifferentism, and the indifferentism has three aspects. First is the aspect that it doesn’t really matter what church you go to...The unique claims to Catholic truth have been watered down or denied completely. So if we have been telling our kids for the last fifty years that all the other Christian denominations are pretty much the same.

Indifferentism also applies in a second way: we became indifferent to the importance of doctrine. Doctrine didn’t matter. Experience was everything. Warm, fuzzy experience. In fact, not only did doctrine not matter, but it was considered divisive...If we were taught to be indifferent about doctrine, then the logical conclusion is that doctrine doesn’t matter, and if doctrine doesn’t matter then it doesn’t really matter what you believe, and if it doesn’t really matter what you believe then you can make up your own religion and believe pretty much whatever seems right and good to you and makes you feel like a nice person. Consequently, the next generation didn’t really see any solid reason to remain Catholic.

The third aspect of indifferentism is simply being indifferent. Careless. Complacent. Worldly. Lacking in passion. Lukewarm. Boring. 

One more excellent, motivating link: "Why the world doesn't take Catholicism seriously"

Just some things to think about.

Thoughts On My Trip Back Home

My husband and I just got back from visiting my home state of Indiana for about two weeks. It was a wonderful but too fast of a time at home with loved ones and just returning to where I left my heart. Of course, I have to throw this in!

Back home again in Indiana
And it seems that I can see
The gleaming candlelight, still shining bright
Thru the sycamores for me
The new mown hay sends all its fragrance
From the fields I used to roam
When I dream about the moonlight on the Wabash
Then I long for my Indiana home

It was our third trip home since moving to Montana, but this trip was different because we are different. It was our first trip home since we have re-committed ourselves to our faith. It was our first trip home since we’ve really prayed, read, and spoke together about God. It was our first trip home since going to Confession, ridding ourselves of all the habits and sins that we confessed, and understanding the evils and eternal implications of sin. We see and feel more with our souls than our bodies, and that made this trip home very different.
 
I got to see, with a new perspective and understanding, the environment that I grew up in. The life that shaped my Catholic faith, instead of the other way around. It was an environment of typical American Catholicism, where my life, the culture, and everything/everyone around me, dictated my faith, instead of my faith guiding my life and leading me to be counter-cultural. It was an environment where I never understood Jesus’ words, “If the world hates you, realize that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, the world would love its own; but because you do not belong to the world, and I have chosen you out of the world, the world hates you.” (John 15:18-19) Obviously, no human wants to be hated and rejected, and it’s easy to slip into the comfort zone where you can keep your faith but camouflage it enough so that no one challenges it. But honestly if you’re not seeing any sort of hardship for your faith, then something is wrong; you’re too conformed to the world and not to the Truth.
 
The whole time I was home, I couldn’t help but notice that most people around me seemed so lost, and by that I mean, completely consumed and concerned with “worldly” things. Even those who believe in Jesus Christ were not on fire with love, but more or less just lukewarm, proclaiming Christ with their lips (if they did at all) rather than their heart and actions, because their hearts were elsewhere. I recalled constantly the parable of the sower from Matthew 13:
 

On that day, Jesus went out of the house and sat down by the sea. Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat down, and the whole crowd stood along the shore. And he spoke to them at length in parables, saying: “A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path, and birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky ground, where it had little soil. It sprang up at once because the soil was not deep, and when the sun rose it was scorched, and it withered for lack of roots. Some seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it. But some seed fell on rich soil, and produced fruit, a hundred or sixty or thirtyfold. Whoever has ears ought to hear.”

“Hear then the parable of the sower. The seed sown on the path is the one who hears the word of the kingdom without understanding it, and the evil one comes and steals away what was sown in his heart. The seed sown on rocky ground is the one who hears the word and receives it at once with joy. But he has no root and lasts only for a time. When some tribulation or persecution comes because of the word, he immediately falls away. The seed sown among thorns is the one who hears the word, but then worldly anxiety and the lure of riches choke the word and it bears no fruit. But the seed sown on rich soil is the one who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and yields a hundred or sixty or thirtyfold.”

 

I thought particularly of the seed sown among the thorns, and I felt like that is what I saw all around me. Material possessions, money, education, staying busy, pleasing the body, comfort, careers, success—all these seemed to be the things that everyone revolved around. It hurt my soul to see it for all of its ugliness for the first time. “No one can serve two masters.  He will either hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.” (‘mammon’ meaning ‘wealth’… Matthew 6:24)

 

Yes, it hurt me to see this, but it still gave me hope. The seed, the growing plant of the Word, is still there in most people, and I know that. I could see it in the smiles, in the love that people showed to one another, in the way that people were still drawn to God even if they didn’t feel anything or had doubts. The seed, the hope, the Holy Spirit’s fire is there, but there are just so many weeds that choke it, never letting it reach its full potential. You can get rid of the weeds. But first you have to see the weeds. What is it that you put most of your time, effort, or thought into? Is it several hours of TV each day? Is it food? Is it the internet? Are your thoughts consumed by how much you have to do? Things you didn’t get done? Ways to make your appearance or your house look nice? Diets and exercise? New cars? If you made a pie chart of your day, how much of it is filled by all this extra, unnecessary “stuff,” and how much of it is somehow related to God?

 

There are plenty, plenty, plenty of weeds in one’s life, and you can’t pull them out all at once. It takes baby steps, so that you don’t become the rocky soil from the parable. It’s always best to start with prayer, to begin building that bridge back to God and to ask for wisdom and guidance (“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7). Based on my own experience, I would also recommend reading good books, especially ones by Fulton Sheen. He helped me (and my husband!) in more ways than I know. His words helped to shine the light on those weeds in my life so that I could see what I couldn’t see before. In seeing the weeds, I saw the sin (that which takes me away from God), and I changed my life. Anyone can do this, too, but it has to come from within you. But the graces you’ll find of faith, true joy, and peace, are greater than any bodily enjoyment you’ve ever sought before. One after another, the pursuit of worldly pleasures always ends in disappointment, but the pursuit of the spirit never disappoints because eternal life with God is always the final fulfillment.

 

“As the appeal to the spiritual relaxes, the demands of the flesh increase. Living less for God, human nature begins to live only for self, for ‘no man can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one, and love the other, or he will sustain the one, and despise the other.’ The regrettable aspect of it all is that, with this increased sin, there is decreased sense of sin. Souls sin more but think less about it. Sinners become so calloused that they have no yearning for redemption. Having lost their eyes, they no longer want to see; the only pleasure left to them in the end is to mock and sneer at those who do.” (Fulton Sheen, Victory over Vice)

Wax and Mud

We are all born as wax, and throughout our lives, our inner-most being remains wax. But through life, through our thoughts, through our actions, through our sins, we build mud around that wax. When we stop praying, when we stop feeling, when we stop hoping, we build mud around that wax.

 

“The same sun shines upon mud that shines upon wax. It hardens the mud but softens the wax. The difference is not in the sun, but in that upon which it shines.”

-Venerable Fulton Sheen

 

I remember as a young child, being the wax. I remember the awe and wonder of life around me. I remember my child-like faith, innocently talking to my Creator, never lost for hope of Everlasting Life. I was wax, I was softened by His Light, and I relished in it.

 

Then as I got older… middle school, junior high, high school… I started building mud around my wax. My prayer life suffered. The world was no longer a magical place that was full of life and hope. My defiant teenage ways led me to sin. The more I sinned, the more mud I built, the harder I became. My relationship with Him was no longer the same. There were holes in the mud, and from time-to-time, I would feel the warmth of the melting of my wax, but the mud grew.

 

I felt choked by the mud. I could barely see through the window of my soul because it was so dirty and hard. I couldn’t see clearly. The world was dark and frightening. Despair was easy. Love (agape) was hard to find. Christ was distant.

 

But perhaps through the prayers of others, through the prayers of the saints and angels, perhaps through the somewhat frequent reception of His most precious Body and Blood, those precious holes remained in my thick mud. Through grace, His Light shined through these small holes, and He made me love it. I couldn’t deny the warmth and the bliss. Slowly, I wanted more. Slowly, the Light shined brighter through the mud, and I wanted to know Him as I never have before. I wanted to be wax again. I could not get rid of the mud on my own, despite my attempts; I could only get rid of it through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I told the priest, though I was truly speaking to Jesus, about all of the mud. I told him how that pile of mud got there, and how I threw that chunk of mud on top, and so on and so on. And with each confession, Jesus removed that mud. With His grace conferred through the Sacrament, I became wax again. I remember the moment that I felt like wax, and the joy brought me to tears.

 

 

Now I bask in His Light. The sun (Son) shines on me brightly, and I melt under His Love. My wax is thick, so I regularly remove the mud and keep His Light on me so that it penetrates deeper and deeper with time. I feel it, and I know it to be true. It’s as if I’m looking through a new pair of glasses and I’m seeing the world anew. I see the beauty, the love, the hope, the purpose. I see God’s work in creation and I see Christ’s Spirit in others. The deeper His Light penetrates my wax, the more I can see this, and the easier it becomes. I see, understand, the purpose and beauty in suffering; and this, too, becomes clearer and more manageable with time.

 

I will no longer listen to the voice of the hardened world, telling me not to be so “naïve” and to get back to “reality.” That is the way of the world, of the mud-covered, of the hardened. That is not the way of child-like faith. There is wonder and beauty in everything. There is no need to fear when God is in control and when you place your trust in Him. There is only pure love, pure joy, and pure hope when you uncover your wax and embrace the Light.

 

 

The sound of my lover! here he comes

springing across the mountains,

leaping across the hills.

 

My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag.

See! He is standing behind our wall,

gazing through the windows,

peering through the lattices.

 

My lover speaks and says to me,

“Arise, my friend, my beautiful one, and come!

 

For see, the winter is past,

the rains are over and gone.

 

The flowers appear on the earth,

the time of pruning the vines has come,

and the song of the turtledove is heard in our land.

 

The fig tree puts forth its figs,

and the vines, in bloom, give forth fragrance.

Arise, my friend, my beautiful one, and come!

 

My dove in the clefts of the rock,

in the secret recesses of the cliff,

Let me see your face,

let me hear your voice,

For your voice is sweet,

and your face is lovely.”

 

Catch us the foxes, the little foxes

that damage the vineyards; for our vineyards are in bloom!

 

My lover belongs to me and I to him;

he feeds among the lilies.

 

Until the day grows cool and the shadows flee,

roam, my lover,

Like a gazelle or a young stag

upon the rugged mountains.

 

Song of Songs 2:8-17

Are You Hot or Cold?

I sincerely wished that today’s readings fell on a Sunday or Holy Day, so that most Catholics could hear them. Actually, the ones that need to hear these readings may not even be at Sunday Mass to hear them anyways! So, in case you did not attend Daily Mass today, here were the readings:

Reading 1: Revelation 3:1-6, 14-22
I, John, heard the Lord saying to me:

"To the angel of the Church in Sardis, write this:

"'The one who has the seven spirits of God and the seven stars says this: "I know your works, that you have the reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Be watchful and strengthen what is left, which is going to die, for I have not found your works complete in the sight of my God. Remember then how you accepted and heard; keep it, and repent. If you are not watchful, I will come like a thief, and you will never know at what hour I will come upon you. However, you have a few people in Sardis who have not soiled their garments; they will walk with me dressed in white, because they are worthy.

"'The victor will thus be dressed in white, and I will never erase his name from the book of life but will acknowledge his name in the presence of my Father and of his angels.

"'Whoever has ears ought to hear what the Spirit says to the churches.'"

"To the angel of the Church in Laodicea, write this:

"'The Amen, the faithful and true witness, the source of God's creation, says this:

"I know your works; I know that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either cold or hot. So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, 'I am rich and affluent and have no need of anything,' and yet do not realize that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. I advise you to buy from me gold refined by fire so that you may be rich, and white garments to put on so that your shameful nakedness may not be exposed, and buy ointment to smear on your eyes so that you may see. Those whom I love, I reprove and chastise. Be earnest, therefore, and repent.

"'Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, then I will enter his house and dine with him, and he with me. I will give the victor the right to sit with me on my throne, as I myself first won the victory and sit with my Father on his throne.

"'Whoever has ears ought to hear what the Spirit says to the churches.'"

Responsorial Psalm: Psalms 15:2-3a, 3bc-4ab, 5
R. (Rev. 3: 21) I will seat the victor beside me on my throne.
He who walks blamelessly and does justice;
who thinks the truth in his heartand slanders not with his tongue.
R. I will seat the victor beside me on my throne.
Who harms not his fellow man,nor takes up a reproach against his neighbor;
By whom the reprobate is despised,while he honors those who fear the LORD.
R. I will seat the victor beside me on my throne.
Who lends not his money at usuryand accepts no bribe against the innocent.
He who does these thingsshall never be disturbed.
R. I will seat the victor beside me on my throne.

Gospel: Luke 19:1-10
At that time Jesus came to Jericho and intended to pass through the town. Now a man there named Zacchaeus, who was a chief tax collector and also a wealthy man, was seeking to see who Jesus was; but he could not see him because of the crowd, for he was short in stature. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore tree in order to see Jesus, who was about to pass that way. When he reached the place, Jesus looked up and said, "Zacchaeus, come down quickly, for today I must stay at your house." And he came down quickly and received him with joy. When they saw this, they began to grumble, saying, "He has gone to stay at the house of a sinner." But Zacchaeus stood there and said to the Lord, "Behold, half of my possessions, Lord, I shall give to the poor, and if I have extorted anything from anyone I shall repay it four times over." And Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house because this man too is a descendant of Abraham. For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save what was lost." 

Really, the emphasis is on the passage from the Book of Revelation, and I made my own emphases in the bolded print. First, we see that God is calling us out on our hypocrisy and misunderstanding. All of us would claim to be alive, because our bodies are, in fact, alive. But we can easily be “alive” on the outside, but dead on the inside. Many of us have voluntarily or inadvertently “killed” our own spirits, stifled our souls, and are only living as animals… with a biological, living body, and nothing more. God is trying to tell us to look in the mirror! We are not as “alive” as we claim to be! But in every harsh word and reality check from God comes the hope. He says that it is never too late for any of us. “Strengthen what is left.” It is only after our death on this earth and after being cast into Hell that it is “too late.” There is always “something left” that we can cling to and strengthen. “Remember then how you accepted and heard; keep it, and repent.” Surely, all of us have felt something in our lives that turned us to God. Even if it was for a short while, surely all of us have had within us that glimpse of true faith. We have that memory in us so that we can go back to that time and re-do it and then make it stick. 

Next is my favorite part. This should be the alarm clock going off loudly, without a snooze button. It should be the annoying smoke detector that won’t seem to turn off. It should be the emergency broadcast system on your TV that keeps interrupting your show. This should be the wake-up call. "I know your works; I know that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either cold or hot. So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.” It has been written for almost 2000 years, but this is such an important time! The modern world is becoming increasingly secular and it doesn't want to hear the Truth. Even in the United States, our most cherished freedom, religious freedom, is threatened. It is time. No more “Cafeteria Catholics.” The “a-la-carte Catholics” and “Camouflage Catholics.” The “ChrEasters,” nominal, non-practicing, and lukewarm Catholics. The Catholics by name or association instead of by action and lifestyle. Jesus doesn’t want them. They leave a bad taste in His mouth, and He spits them out. It is not good enough to just call yourself a Christian or a Catholic, and maybe practice it for one day a week within the walls of a church. It's not enough to post on Facebook that "God is good! :)" and leave it at that, without constant prayer, without constantly striving for spiritual perfection, without constantly having God on your mind, and without that deep desire to love everyone and bring others to God. Christ should reside in every fiber of your being. 

His words may sound harsh again. But as before, and as always, with every reality check comes the message of hope. "'Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, then I will enter his house and dine with him, and he with me.” If someone looks in the mirror and sees someone who is lukewarm, that is great! You can’t change something that you don’t acknowledge! But upon acknowledging, you have a decision to make. Do you then hear Jesus behind the door, knocking for you to let Him in? He knocks at the door to your heart. He is always there to rush in and greet you with loving arms, but only if you hear the knock and open the door. Do you open the door, or continue to ignore His knock? Or even yell at Him to go away? Will you be hot with love, with a heart set on fire by the Holy Spirit? Will you be cold and try and live without the love and mercy of God? Or will you continue to stand still, dragging your feet in the mud, going neither here nor there?

Well..?

God love you!

To Be Counter-Cultural

I have heard over and over again that "being Catholic is counter-cultural." As someone who was born and raised Catholic, grew up with mostly Catholic family members and friends, I suppose I never quite understood what this meant. But if you refer back to my first post, you'll recall that I wasn't the faithful Catholic that I should have been. Everything was still safe and I still lived within the bounds of the American, materialistic way of life. Probably my most "counter-cultural" experiences were the looks I got for "dirt on my forehead" on Ash Wednesday.

I claimed to know Jesus. I claimed to love Jesus. But it felt safe. Something wasn't right.

If the world hate you, know ye, that it hath hated me before you. If you had been of the world, the world would love its own: but because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. John 15:18-19

Christianity (especially Catholicism) is not easy because it is, in fact, counter-cultural. The times have changed a lot in 2000 years, but the Church has not. She has not watered down her teachings to fit modern advancements or ideals. There are so many things that the Church teaches that seem opposite of what the world preaches. Love your enemies and those who wrong you? Save sex for marriage? Don't use contraception? Dress and speak modestly? Embrace suffering?

Do these sound like ideas of the modern world? Of course not. The ideas of society and culture focus around the body and seek the things of this earth. Has anyone stopped to notice that first-world countries have more [food, water, money, shelter, comforts, medicine, entertainment, etc etc] than poor countries, but we are increasingly unhappy? 100 years ago, little girls found great enjoyment from making paper dolls and boys found great enjoyment in playing with sticks. A parent now would be laughed out of town, and possibly even questioned, for giving their child a paper doll or a stick for Christmas. Instead, they get all the latest electronics and everything else they could want. Why are they not as happy now? With so many ways to keep in touch with people, why are there so many more divorces and families that break apart? Why are there unhappy people who have good-paying jobs, food, a house, and a car?

The list can go on and on. The point is that the world and things of this world cannot make us truly happy, despite what our culture says. In my quest to seek God more, this was probably the hardest idea to confront and has continually been the hardest to overcome. It is not easy. I'm not saying that it is easy. All of us struggle with it. But, again, John 15:18-19.

This may make some people run away at this point. It's another result of our culture. If something is hard, just move onto something else. If something takes great time and effort, it's probably better to find a more efficient and quick way to reach the same end. But that is not the life of a Christian. It is hard, but it is worth it. There is more joy to be felt in the soul than our bodies could ever feel. This was another idea that I struggled with because I had never allowed my soul to feel true happiness. I couldn't connect with the people who preached that the joy of the soul was greater than the joy of the body. What did that even mean? How could they possibly be different? But of course I couldn't understand. I hardly acknowledged the existence of my soul, let alone fed it. My concern was always with myself. Watching TV always seemed much more appealing than reading the Bible or a religious book. Getting enough sleep always sounded better than praying before bed, or waking up early to pray. Eating was better than fasting. Running from difficult and emotional situations was always better than facing them and working through them. Being a bystander is easier than getting in the game. It's easier to cheer other people on, on their quest to God, than it is to jump in the race yourself.

It is hard, but it is worth it. I write this today, inspired by the joy in my heart. It's almost inexplicable. I feel wrapped in the Lord's Love. The world and time seemed to spin by without my knowing it. If you haven't heard it before, know that it is true, that the Holy Spirit is in all of us. At this moment, the Holy Spirit seemed nestled in me, like a baby in a mother's arms. No TV show, food, house, vacation, or pair of shoes could ever make me feel in such a way. When you turn to God, He runs to embrace you. He gives you times and moments like these to sustain you. His is a greater Love than the love from your friends, significant other, and family. It took me a long time to realize this, but I have now. I would rather have been left in the darkness today and given up that ecstasy I felt so that others might feel it. Those who are lost or lukewwarm. Those who speak of Jesus but don't feel of Jesus. Those who question the existence of something so Good. I am praying for you, and I think of you constantly. My brothers and sisters in Christ who know not the unconditional Love of God, or who have forgotten.

Consider the journey back to Him. If He still seems so intangible, read up on the lives of the saints. These were humans who also faced the hatred of the world in order to love God. Pray to our Blessed Mother, Mary. Because Christ is our Brother, Mary is our Mother. Sometimes it's easier to run to the sweet, loving arms of a mother before running to dad. I promise She will pray earnestly for you, and gently bring you to Her Son.

Small steps are okay. That has been my experience. It's been so hard to look at the things I knew as "life," the things that are so accepted by our society. It took a long time and a lot of mental struggle between what the world said was okay and why the Church said it was wrong. I fought the Church on a lot of issues because I was stubborn in my ways. I thought she was "old and out of touch" which is an argument I still hear very much. But in my "small steps" to see why she taught what she did, things started to click. There is a way to live your life with a sense of peace and joy. The Church preserves this way of life and the means to attain it, even through all of the cultural changes of the past, present, and into the future. You just have to decide what is your god. Money? Fasion and trends? Sex and contraception? Alcohol? Always looking for a "good time" and the next great adventure? Or the One, True, Loving, Almighty, and Eternal God? 


So we know and believe the love God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 1 John 4:16



God love you.