What kind of spouse do you want?

I once was in a conversation with a group of young women who were talking about their "ideal man." They acknowledged the fact that finding a guy at a bar was pretty tacky, and probably would result in a guy who didn't meet their standards. They said that it was better to meet someone in a place like a coffee shop or church. But what came next shocked and upset me. They agreed that it would be great to meet a guy at a church, but not one who was "too hardcore" about being Catholic. "You know, like the kind who walk with 'prayer hands' up to Communion and kneel to receive it."

This conversation has stuck with me now for a few years.

Is it so bad to find a spouse who is truly God-fearing?
One who actually has a personal and strong relationship with Jesus?
One who believes to his core that the Eucharist is the Body and Blood of Christ?
One who lets faith lead their life, instead of letting life lead their faith?
What is a marriage, if not a Sacrament and covenant centered on God?
Is it just an acknowledgement of a romantic relationship?
One that is only physical, probably emotional, but not at all spiritual?

Do you know that the purpose, especially of a Christian marriage, is to help your spouse (and children) get to Heaven?



Both photos from the Made in His Image Facebook page

I love these two photos because they speak to the essence of what a marriage is (aside from procreation), and what the goal is in the courtship time before marriage:  bringing one another closer to God. A relationship centered on God can never fail, for "what God as joined together, no human being must separate." (Mark 10:9)

Now, my husband and I certainly were not "hardcore Catholics" when we met. Aside from going to Mass, we never even prayed together while we were dating and engaged. But after a while, you truly start to realize the hole in your relationship when together you do not bring God to that hole. You try and fill that whole with loud, busy things, always looking for a new thrill, but of course one that is better than before. We were even married for one whole year before we ever prayed together and brought our faith--which was lukewarm and still "our own"--to each other, to share it and grow it. But once you, as a couple, turn your faces to God even just a little, He runs to you. The Holy Spirit rushes to you to help make it easier, to guide you, and make it "less awkward." Our relationship has grown exponentially ever since then, and I deeply wish we had done this sooner. I wish we had started dating in this way.

One of the most memorable days in our marriage was a seemingly normal day, when I told him, "I love you more than anything!"--a typical spouse phrase. But what set this apart from all the other times I said it before was that he looked at me and said, "Except...?" and I said, "God," with a smile. That's when I knew we were on the right path.

That's when I understood my purpose as a wife.

I want my husband to love God more than he loves me.

 

It's a grace to come to this realization. It's something to pray for, and a goal to achieve.

 

So what kind of spouse do you want? Do you want someone who will not challenge your heart? Who will keep your faith at a stand-still or worse, instead of raising you up to be better, stronger, with more joy, and more grace? Do you want a marriage that is only physical and emotional? Always looking for something bigger and better to come next to keep life "exciting" and ever trying to fill the hole that is meant for God? Or do you want someone who cares about you, body and soul? One know knows that we are destined for Eternal Life, and that what we do here on earth will determine our fate. One who knows that the only way to true happiness is not through his or her own self, but through God. One who will lead your children to God, and to an authentic relationship with Him--because children will imitate their parents, and children will not magically build that relationship if they are not taught how to do so. It is the parents, in the Domestic Church that is the family, (mom, dad, and children), where Christ is known. Where the soul is known. Where the map is laid out for Heaven.

 

I pray deeply that you may know the love of God through your spouse or future spouse. I pray deeply that you become what you desire, and I pray that you desire a holy spouse, and that you desire to be a holy spouse. You deserve it, and so does your spouse.

 

Made in His Image