After years of claiming to be pro-life, praying for the unborn babies and moms, reading pro-life news, and even following the 40 Days for Life campaign through my computer, I finally found enough strength and courage to get in the game, instead of just cheering from the bench.
The first step came just over a week ago on Fat Tuesday. Our local 40 Days for Life coordinators held a kick-off rally at our local Planned Parenthood. I thought that seeing some faces, meeting my peers, and getting some information would make me less afraid to get involved in the pro-life scene. I wanted to see where I would be standing and praying for the next 40 days.
Our Planned Parenthood is visible from the main drag through town if you’re looking for it, but it appears mostly hidden. I drive past it on my way to and from work every day, but I’ll be honest, there have been many times that I never even noticed it and forgot that it was there. So when we got out there for the 40 Days for Life kick-off, it was my first real look at the front of the building—where the workers come and go, and where scared, pregnant women and their babies go. I got a very eerie feeling being out there. Even from the parking lot, the building is almost hard to see. Even this side of the building lies very hidden behind three huge pine trees. When I look at it, the trees seem like a mask, like this building has something to hide.
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| Screen capture from Google Street View |
From what I could see through the front door (only from the sidewalk, of course), the inside looked more inviting. Warm colors on the walls and nice artwork. But still, something caught my eye in the front lobby that gave me that eerie feeling again. I saw a box of tissues sitting between the chairs. I can only imagine how many women have sat there and cried from fear or feeling like this is their only “choice.” Just like at any Planned Parenthood, if those walls could talk, it would be heartbreaking..
Being there that night made it all feel very real to me. Part of that experience made me feel more afraid, but I knew God was pursuing me to be His hands on earth. I told God that I didn’t really want to get in the game; the bench seemed much safer and more comfortable. But I also knew this was a test of faith. When you pray for a deeper faith, God doesn’t just give it to you; He gives you opportunities to be faithful. To rely on Him, offer it up, and let Him work through you, while you release your inhibitions and simply “follow Him.”
Friday of that same week, typically abortion day at our clinic, I did it. I took that huge leap of faith and conquered my fear. I went back there to pray in front of Planned Parenthood. My heart was beating hard and my stomach felt a little uneasy. I didn't know what to expect or really what to do. What really helped me was repeating a prayer that I came up with after the 40 Days for Life kick-off:
Take me. Make me. Mold me. Transform me into what You want.
Let Your grace flow through me.
Thanks be to God, when I first got there, I saw three of my friends standing there. He sure knows how to provide. We all prayed a Divine Mercy chaplet and then they left. Now it was just me, my husband, and Planned Parenthood. I felt a little awkward, unsure of what to do next, but the time actually flew by. Standing in silent prayer, feeling God's presence, feeling love and compassion for every person in that clinic and in clinics across the world, was food for my soul. I felt surrounded by the communion of saints after calling upon our Blessed Mother and St. Michael to protect those inside. I felt very nervous each time someone came in or out of the building, or each time a car drove by, but it got easier as the time went on.
An hour went by quickly and I felt spiritually refreshed. I have been back twice since then and I will go back many more times. I'm at the point now where I wonder what held me back for so long. Why was I so afraid? Yes, doing God's work can be scary and uncomfortable, but it's easier and even enjoyable when you pray for grace and allow it to work in you.
Now who is going to harm you if you are enthusiastic for what is good? But even if you should suffer because of righteousness, blessed are you. Do not be afraid or terrified with fear of them, but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts. Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope, but do it with gentleness and reverence, keeping your conscience clear, so that, when you are maligned, those who defame your good conduct in Christ may themselves be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that be the will of God, than for doing evil.
For Christ also suffered for sins once, the righteous for the sake of the unrighteous, that he might lead you to God. Put to death in the flesh, he was brought to life in the spirit.
1 Peter 3:13-18
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