I realize that I have neglected this blog for quite a few months now. Primarily, I have been away because… well… I am pregnant!!! Yep, we have a little one on the way! I’m overjoyed and in awe and simply can’t believe this is happening. I’m feeling great now in my second trimester and can’t wait until the end of February!
But although a miracle was taking place inside me, in my first trimester, I was nauseous, sluggish, and sleepy. Basically, I spent most of my free time in bed or on the couch instead of doing much else. Not only did this keep me away from my blog writing, but it also sent me into a spiritual funk.
Confession time.
Suddenly, instead of nourishing my soul with extra prayer time, Bible reading, and other spiritual reading, I spent more time catering to my on whims of wanting to sleep and complaining that no single food sounded good enough to eat. I had a 3-month opportunity for sacrifice and much “suffering” to offer up for the good of others, but instead, I failed, and fell back into my selfish, sloth ways. After a while, I really felt like I was letting God down, and I even became ashamed because of it. Funny how Satan will do anything to keep you from our Lord. I felt ashamed for letting God down that it made me want to hide from Him even more. I felt like Adam and Eve after they ate the forbidden fruit, and I hid.
It took a lot of spiritual strength to get myself into a confessional booth to find some grace to help me. (“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” Hebrews 4:16). I had to go twice, but it worked. I wasn’t so overflowed with grace that I felt like I could fly or anything, but I found enough grace simply to pray for help (“Lord, teach us to pray” Luke 11:1). And I kept praying and praying. Opportunities came up for more prayer and sacrifice and I accepted them more than I was doing in previous months. I’m still healing from my spiritual funk, but I also believe that God wants me to use this blog to continue healing. I got the message pretty loud and clear recently when we heard the second reading from 2 Timothy. (Ahem, check out the URL!) The exact verse ("For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7) that drove me to start this blog in the first place was read to me over the loud speakers, echoing through the church, and written on the page in my lap. Not only that, but the following day, I attended my first Bible study and guess what we covered? Yep, the same second reading from 2 Timothy. (God: “Helloooo? How many times do I have to remind you about your blog?”)
So now, I’m putting my tennis shoes back on and warming up for a long jog. I’m awakening spiritual muscles that have been idle and deteriorated over the last few months.
In short, I’m back.
