A child in his mother's arms

A quick update. My posts have been so spotty and infrequent in the last several months. I announced a while ago that I was having a baby... and I did! Sweet little Fulton, named after Venerable Fulton Sheen. I'm loving my new vocation as wife, mother, and homemaker. I keep very busy, but along with having a new baby, we had another life change. My husband and I moved to Wisconsin a couple months before Fulton was born. I know without a doubt that God's hand was all over this, so I am excited to know for what purpose we had to move from Montana to Wisconsin!

Now, back to the reason why I'm writing.

God is teaching me so much through my vocation as mother and wife.

Our vocations in life, assigned by God, are our paths to holiness. Whether we are called to married, single, or religious life, each brings us to a path of holiness when we rely on God's grace that is given to us to fulfill the vocation. Already, my son is teaching me so much about my faith and relationship to God. 

 "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you..." Isaiah 66:13

"Rather, I have stilled my soul, like a weaned child to its mother, weaned is my soul." Psalm 131:2

I see these verses in a new, illumined light, thanks to my baby. Through all the moods and ups and downs that my son has, I know he is most relaxed, happy, and at peace when he is resting in my arms.. when he can just lay his head on my shoulder and melt into my embrace. Of course, being a baby, he's not always so calm. Sometimes he screams. He cries. He squirms. He seems to fight my embrace and all the love and comfort I long to give him. I know he knows that he feels so much better when he is just calm and will let me hold him, but sometimes he fights it.

Often, this is how I treat God.

I can think back to some times in my life where I just let go and fell into His arms. When I put all my worries aside and fell, peacefully and with total trust, into His embrace. I know this is how I should be all the time, with such complete trust in Our Lord that nothing can trouble me. But way too often I find myself being the fussy baby. I'm kicking and screaming because I want things my way or I want something that I can't get. I turn into that squirmy, screaming baby when I feel anxiety in my heart. When I'm relying too much on myself and refusing His grace. When I have fears and I let them consume me. I know it's easier just to give it to God and let Him love me. Why, then, do I fight it?

I never really understood this until I became a mother. But now I am more aware of the state of my soul and the trust I have (or have not) placed in God. When I feel frantic, like God is far from me and things are out of control.. when I'm looking around wondering why God won't hear my pleas to calm me down, now I'm able to think of my son. I'm able to take a step back and look at myself. Is God really trying to hold me and love me, but I'm squirming and crying too much to notice? How do I get to the point of pure, blissful inner peace, like this?

I'm thankful for the many hours I have spent just holding my baby as he sleeps. Not only has it given me precious time with my boy, but I have had long hours of prayer and meditation with Our Lord, just resting in His arms, feeling the love He longs to give me.